Unraveled is a memoir of part of my life, mainly my childhood upbringing, grade school and high school, and the job that sent me off to the corporate world. I include both dad's and mom's upbringing and introduced my siblings including some of my childhood memories with them. I grew up as a second child of the three sisters, later three boys joined us. I don't write much about my brothers because they were much younger and experienced a different life.
As a second child, I saw myself as the ugliest person on earth and I was not very smart. I had to take special math and reading classes in high school. I was not smart enough like the eldest and not cute enough as the youngest. I was the peace maker between dad and mom or sibling and parent. I was also bullied by family and outsiders.
Dad was initially moody and a lot of it was when he drank and the guilt for not having more to give us. His life turned around years after I had moved out of the house. Mom was and always will be opinionated without thinking it's hurting the receiver. Many times, that is me, although, I also hear it from my sisters. The boys had it all. Mom treats them like kings. They can do no wrong. Am I jealous? Sometimes, but most of the time, we joke about it.
To ease my insecurities and to escape the home life, my long summer visits in Mexico were my freedom. I spent time with my grandparents and my aunts and uncles but spent more time with my cousins. As an adolescent, time was spent exploring the town and then as a teen, exploring boys and dancing. I had so much freedom but not without consequences.
As a child I didn't know how little the family had materialistically and in parenting. The parent-child communication was minimal. Affection was also missing, or given in discreet ways, sometimes missed. Then one day, I find a different world but never regretting what I grew up with.
When I was 19, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), and it was during the time that I was in college. Before the RA medicine took effect, I experienced pain so badly that I couldn't even hold a pencil and so I dropped out of college but continued working at the college and in the evenings at a car dealership.
Not continuing my education, I spent years comparing myself to my siblings who earned their college degrees. To overcome my insecurities, I worked hard to prove my self-worth.
I also experienced discrimination. Some started with the nuns at the school that I and my siblings attended. Later in life I experienced more discrimination than I'd ever known. At home, as a child, we didn't know it existed.
What inspired me to write my memoir is that throughout my life, I came across many who were brought up in a similar environment and having the same feelings of unworthiness. I have seen some teens, even adults fail for not having the passion and determination to succeed, regardless of how they were raised. It could be they were never encouraged to do something for themselves or something personal occurred that set them back. Perhaps in reading this memoir, at least one person will be encouraged to be challenged to succeed.
Most importantly, I have unraveled the ugly thoughts of myself. The proof is in my writing and my soul can now sing praises for all my accomplishments that could only happen because of my faith in God and my passion.
