I've written this book specifically for pastors, lay leaders, and counselors who help victims and survivors of domestic violence and domestic abuse. Women who are beaten and battered don't know how to ask for help. They're confused, fearful and don't know who they can trust. Pastors, lay leaders, and counselors are the first responders to women seeking help. Depending on the response she gets, will depend on what she does next. Giving you this book is her way of saying, "This is what is going on. Can you help me?"
I want to thank each of you who take the time to read this. The women and children need you only to have a little understanding, a lot of prayer, deep compassion and guidance. As you read this book and possibly my other one "Why Does He Keep Hurting Me?" you'll see in my situation that murder was his next step - my death. The violence I endured was unimaginable. In short, over a 20- year marriage, I was stabbed repeatedly, left for dead, broke 52 bones, put in a coma, and much worse than those. I went to church smiling and laughing, but life was anything but that.
As a victim of severe spousal abuse, I questioned how I could stay with an abuser. I wondered how in my situation that I could spend twenty years enduring horrific torture, yet remain in the situation. During the last eight years of my marriage, I spent endless hours trying to find a way to escape from a man who would not let me go.
To the world, I lived a beautiful life with a perfect home, perfect children, perfect husband, and perfect business. However, behind the four walls of our home, I lived a secret life of grotesque violence. Nevertheless, not only was the world deceived - so was I.
I sought those years understanding what abuse is, and why I allowed him to instill that fear, that hopelessness, that deceptiveness and that inability to leave. To understand why a woman would endure such torture, you would have to understand the mind of a batterer.
Domestic violence is a silent crime, so shocking, so horrific, that it's swept under the rug as if it doesn't exist - a world so terrifying, that when women cry for help from family, friends, police and even our judicial system - they find no comfort.
The courts and police see batterers that injure their wife as a serious crime. Regardless of the victim's wounds, the courts hardly punish with severe consequences; and the police dismiss it as a domestic dispute.
Beloved Pastors:
We would like to believe domestic violence does not exist in our churches. We want to think that our treasured congregations are exempt from any abuse. But the truth is domestic abuse and violence is rampant in our churches.
It is estimated that one in every four women are abused in churches today. Domestic violence is at epidemic proportions, every nine seconds a woman is beaten and every six hours a woman dies from domestic violence, and the toll for children is even higher.
We stand at the pulpit looking out, joining in church barbeques, gathering in the fellowship hall watching our church families holding hands, laughing, smiling, talking about the beautiful things going on in their lives but in reality, one in every four of our church members are abused.
Violence is the antithesis to God's Word. God's ministers are called to rise up and defend the helpless, the powerless, and the defenseless. Scripture provides a fertile foundation for God's mandate for pastoral intervention for victims of domestic violence and to take responsibility from a biblical standpoint. Please take a stand today!

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