I am constantly hearing the lament: "Where have all the good men (women) gone?" The way people talk you would think that mates were an extinct species. In this book, I will be discussing the issue of mate selection in human beings and ways in which you can increase the odds of finding a "compatible mate." You do not have to be alone, and there is more than one partner for you if you are willing to change your attitudes and put in a little effort. You must give up certain myths, time-honored beliefs, and begin to take charge of your romantic life. Romance is no different from any other aspect of your life. It requires that you take the responsibility for making it happen. Your perfect partner is not going to materialize out of thin air and appear in your living room. You must develop a plan of action and then act upon it. Many folks are very sincere about their desires to be involved with another person, but are not committed to making it happen. Sincerity is an attitude while commitment is an action. Sincerity without action does not make anything happen.Let's take a critical look at some common myths about romance.Myth I. Luck is the essence of romance. Luck has very little to do with romance other than to maintain the illusion that we are helpless pawns in the game of love. Most folks engage in their search for a partner and then hope for the best. These people have no expectation of winning. Many people approach romance in the same way that they approach a gambling table in Las Vegas. They put their dollar on the crap table, roll the dice, and pray. Professional gamblers, however, do everything in their power to increase the odds in their favor. In addition, professional lovers do everything in their power to increase their possibilities of meeting the person of their dreams.People tend to pray, wish, hope and dream about finding their ideal mate, but they seldom develop a strategy or plan of action. They spend more time and energy planning a dinner party than the most important human relationship in their lives.Myth 2: Marriages are made in heaven. This myth is similar to the first one in that it assumes that relationships are preordained, out of the hands of ordinary mortals. It assumes that we do not have any control over the mate we end up with and that we must settle for those relationships in which we find ourselves. Human beings make choices. Many of them are poor choices.Myth 3: There is only one partner that is perfect for each of us. If this were the case, then it would not be possible for people to have happiness in a marriage after the death of a spouse. Clearly, since people do indeed find happiness in second and even third marriages, there is more than one potential mate available for each of us. Our job is to increase the probabilities of finding those potential partners.In order to find these potential mates, we must develop a strategy. Just as there is more than one house that we can fall in love with, there is more than one potential mate. If we increase the pool of available partners, we can then fall in love with any one of them. The trick is to set up our criteria, take appropriate actions, and then allow for nature to take its course.Romance and love at first sight, are integral to our fantasies about mate selection. We love to hear stories about how people fall in love. We love the notion of two people gazing across a crowded room, eyes meeting, and love is in bloom. More often than not, these people are in lust, not love. However, this is not to say that this cannot happen. However, it is unlikely.More often love grows between two people who have a common connection. It is the common connections that bind us, love then blooms in the soil of mutual interest, mutual respect, and friendship. What my strategy will do is increase the odds of this happening.
About the Author: Dr. Edward Dreyfus has been in private practice in Santa Monica, California as a clinical psychologist, marriage-family therapist, sex therapist, and life coach for more than five decades. In addition to having published four books, he has published frequently in professional journals and newspapers, presented at local and national conventions; he has often been quoted in local and national magazines and has appeared as a guest on TV and talk-radio programs. He is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association and is listed in Who's Who in America.