"Don't go out there, Bats! There are testicle-eating monsters out there!"
Sandy "Snake" Appleyard is an intrepid reporter for WWN, a popular tabloid that specializes in the weird and bizarre, the odd and eccentric. She's dangerous, smart, and beautiful. She and her mutant BFF and photographer, Bats, do whatever it takes to cover their beat, whatever the story and wherever it takes them. Strange balls, snake handlers, gnomes, vampires, even an alien conspiracy to conquer the world? All in a day's work.
But that's just fake news, some would protest. They'd be wrong. This world is all too real, and when Snake, Batty, and Snake's new love, Dakota, stumble upon one truth too many, a bucket load of trouble hits the fan. Can the three of them save the world? Can Snake save herself?
_______
Most people call me Snake, if they know what's good for them. I have a tendency to hit people that piss me off.
Some people consider that a flaw.
I saw something flash and glint on the side of the road and pulled over. Batty, my photographer and best friend woke up.
"What the -- are we there yet?" he mumbled.
"Not yet, we're still a few miles away. Relax, Just making a quick stop to check something."
When I stepped out of the Tahoe into the heat I immediately discovered a severe need for a cold beer. The sun hit me like a cat slapping an alligator. I walked through the sand to where I'd seen the glint in the weeds and there it was -- a gold ball. It was about four inches in circumference, heavy enough to be real gold and, shining in the painfully bright sunlight. There was a remarkable image of Our Lady of Guadalupe in argent silver embedded in the gold, as detailed as the engraving on a dollar bill. It was immediately recognizable when you've seen as many Marys as I have.
There might be something to this story after all, I thought as I hurried to get back into the air-conditioned Tahoe.
