My father was sexually abused as a boy. I found this out when I was thirty-five years old. Was I shocked? Not really - he was raised with violence and abuse, in a very dysfunctional system. The abuse was accepted as normal, I get that now. The fact that it was treated as normal made it all okay. I'm thirty-six years old as I write my story, it is just a story. I am no longer attached to my story. My story used to be everything, it justified all the anger and rage. I thought that my story was who I was. I offer my story to all who have been abused, also to the abuser, also to those who would like to understand abuse. All who have not yet let go of their story. That's Todd Maxwell Preston in his memoir Sacred Road. His story is a familiar one in ex-Mormon circles. Mormonism is especially attractive to people and families suffering from abuse. People see these beautiful, smiling, perfect Mormon families and think: "If we were Mormon, we'd be happy like that too." In such cases, Mormonism isn't the root cause of the abuse, but can often exacerbate the problem instead of helping. Once the family joins the church, Mormon culture encourages them to cover up the abuse, and only show a beautiful, smiling, perfect exterior. Mormon teachings also often give increased authority to the abuser, teaching the rest of the family be obedient and submissive. Todd's story is exceptional, though, in terms of his perspective. I've read a lot of memoirs where the author describes having been profoundly hurt, having learned unhealthy relationship models, and passing the abuse along. Generally such stories have an edge of defensiveness, but not Todd's story. He has taken great pains to understand where he was at and what he and others were feeling that prompted various (often poor) choices. Thus he takes responsibility for his choices and expresses regret at the harm caused by others, but without blaming and shaming. In terms of understanding the cycle of abuse - in order to break it - the story is excellent and exceptional. I've never read anything quite like it. And it's inspiring to see the main character grow into a person who can view his own story in this way. I highly recommend this book for anyone who would like more perspective on abuse and on how it affects people and families.
About the Author: Todd Preston was born March 7th 1973 in Hamilton New Zealand; at the age of six his family moved to Northern Utah. In 2009 Todd wrote a memoir titled Sacred Road - stylizing the beginning chapters through the eyes of a child. "I felt the best way to capture the emotional turmoil was to see through the eyes of that eight year old boy." Sacred Road will not be for everyone; it is uniquely different from your standard memoir. The journey is swift and the writing style direct. It is intended to create awareness surrounding abuse and its generational effects. In addition expose the potentiality of hidden abuse within organized religion. The dizzying affects of abuse in all its ugliness stains many if not all cultures. It is not only about Mormonism - Todd's father - or Todd Preston for that matter - the message is meant to bring transparency to such a weighty subject. I have painfully given heavy emphasis toward a favourite quote of mine from Author Natalie Kusz. "As I am sure you know... writers are in the business of attempting to expose the human condition in such a way that our description resonates in the souls of other humans, and it is extremely gratifying to hear about the one or two times when something we publish succeeds in this endeavour." Thank you Natalie for your eloquence. Further more; publishing Sacred Road four years after writing it leaves quite a gap from my life situation then to my life now. I am currently revising and editing my second manuscript that will answer many questions as to how I landed back in New Zealand. The gross difficulty of leaving my four daughters in Utah and the massive task to be there for them. It will shed further light on becoming a Mormon apostate in the state of Utah. The crippling affects from active family members and the shunning of an active Mormon community toward those that dare to resign membership. Again everyone has a different journey I can only share the one that I have experienced. Upon returning to Utah in May of 2010 - I was broke and almost homeless if not for a friend that feed me and put a roof over my head. The day I left New York I spoke with my father on the phone regarding my return to Utah. A direct quote from him that I will never forget. "Why would you return to the lions den?" I lasted six difficult months in Utah - I returned to New Zealand on a one way ticket in November of 2010. The ticket was a gift from a caring friend.