This book is in no way an effort to complain or draw attention to myself. In 2020-2021, this planet experienced, and is still experiencing, a global pandemic. (Covid 19) This deadly virus killed millions around the world. Many more have been infected with this horrible illness and have survived, but so many have suffered permanent health issues due to Covid. It has been painful to watch.
Another victim of the pandemic has been the social life we all came to take for granted. We were unable to socialize, forced to isolate ourselves in the relative safety of our homes, and wear masks to protect ourselves and others when we did venture out. This lack of socializing, although hard on everyone, was catastrophic for those with mental disabilities, like my son, Michael. Michael is autistic and non-verbal; however, he is extremely social. I watched him regress daily. His Obsessive- Compulsive Disorder became one of his only comforts. He began repeating single words over and over for twelve hours straight. He paced the floors from his waking moment until bedtime. His hand stimming (Hand flapping) was constant. His eating and sleeping habits changed dramatically. He suffered from weight loss and insomnia.
Every day, I struggled to find ways to comfort Michael, but with little success. As his father, my heart ached to see him regress back to much the way he was as a toddler. The pandemic aged me tremendously. Michael, twenty-three, wanted desperately to be with people his own age who had similar disabilities to his. (We all enjoy the company of those with whom we have something in common.) For over seventeen months, we endured only having each other's company in our tiny home. I also suffered from insomnia, drank a good deal more than I had previously, my depression raged, my blood pressure soared to 170 over 120 and I simply could not find a way to relax, even with our daily walks of over two hours. Finally, I resorted to smoking marijuana before bed and found I was able to sleep for several hours straight.
That is the background for this book. I hope this will also serve as somewhat of a loosely written record of the pandemic. We learned many things as this virus progressed. Most of all, I sincerely hope that we re-learned that our survival depends on caring about others. Many members of the "It's all about me" generation who refused to wear masks to protect themselves and others are now dead. When we live simply for ourselves, we often end up alone and forgotten.
This is also my story, told in a stream-of-consciousness style. I chose to write it in that fashion because much of the pandemic was spent in somewhat of a daze. I was often writing when I was quite "buzzed" from drinking beer. I found my mind was free to truly unleash what I was feeling, without reservation. I have desperately tried to write this in a free form, but with a storyline that can be followed easily. I hope that is the case. Enjoy!
-Paul Nelson (July 13, 2021)