Do you want to discover how to safely escape from toxic parents and people? A guide to how to take back your life? If yes, then keep reading...The primary objective for the narcissist is power. This isn't accidental, the abuse is intentional, and the goal is domination. Remember, they will do what they need to do to feel superior to others, especially those with whom they have some relationship, in order to further shield their own feelings of inferiority.
According to Dr. Greenberg, narcissistic relationships tend to follow a three-stage pattern of abuse, beginning with what she calls "Chasing the Unicorn." In this stage, the narcissist sees the object of his love as the perfect mate and will do anything to have them. This could also be called "love bombing," as it is similar to the tactic used by some cults to draw in new members.
The narcissist will often offer suggestions and ideas for things they'd like to see changed, like hair, clothing, exercise, personal habits, job, or any number of other things. The abuse aspect of this stage usually begins when the narcissist starts hearing the word, "no."
Now he's disappointed (remember all those other disappointing relationships?), and with a narcissist that can be a very difficult thing because they don't react to disappointment the way others do. Normal disappointment tends to be marked by an acceptance that the other person either doesn't want to make the change or cannot make the change. Either way, we recognize that the other person has a right to be themselves and we can love and accept them as they are or not...
That's not the way the narcissist sees it, which brings us to the third stage: "Devaluation." Narcissists take the sort of disappointment that the rest of us would get over quite personally. They take the refusal as an insult, a criticism that they cannot tolerate rather than an assertion of the other party's right to be who they are.
This leads to anger, fights, and emotional abuse as the narcissist begins to devalue the other person in various ways. By now, friendly suggestions have turned to blunt criticism, but as this devaluation process progresses, that blunt criticism becomes increasingly insulting and demeaning. Even worse, what had once been said behind closed doors goes public, usually in front of family and friends.
This pattern of growing hostility and verbal abuse continues to grow until it becomes the primary way the narcissist interacts with their partner. Cruelty becomes the norm, fighting escalates, and physical abuse becomes a real possibility. It is important to recognize that it takes two people willing to engage in this behavior, so you don't have to participate anymore. Anyone can suffer from narcissistic abuse syndrome. Women, men, adults, children, young, or old, it doesn't matter. Nor does it matter how smart you are, how "grounded" you think you are, or how well you think you can "read" people. Why? Because narcissists are masters of deceit and manipulation, anyone can be made a victim and suffer abuse at their hands. Those that do are likely to develop some level of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome.
