Why He Picked You and What You Can Do About It After her escape, my sister knew she was looking for something, but she didn't know what it was or where she would find it. She had questions: -why had he picked her? -how was he able to con her? -why didn't she see through it? -what made him the way he is? -was something wrong with her, too? -how could she avoid a repeat experience? Chapters 4, 5 and 6 are the heart of this book sharing neurological, psychological and biblical reasons for the root cause of intimate abuse--each of which are chilling and when taken together, terrifying but liberating. "Self expression plays a key role in self image, which is the basis of just about everything that happens to us. It is the sum total of what we think about ourselves, it is our subconscious marching orders. Self image influences the outcomes of our activities and relationships. When personality is inhibited, self image is diminished and things go awry. "Personality works like this in relationship: when a personality-disordered man meets a personality-inhibited woman and there is attraction, the stage can be set for abuse and violence. Abuse and violence come in many forms, some of the worst of which never leaves a mark on anyone although it inflicts deep wounds. "The subconscious mind and the conscious mind are both involved in personality and self image, so is the central nervous system. Working together, they are powerful mechanisms. The most potent of which is the subconscious mind, the repository of experience and information impressed with emotion. "The subconscious mind does not have an agenda other than to run its programming, regardless of whether that programming helps or hinders. The conscious mind is the door to the subconscious mind. "There are many irresistible forces in play when two people come together in a way that leads to intimate relationship. When that relationship becomes abusive, it's hard to see and understand that turning unless you know what to look for. In the beginning, there is often a vague sense of something being off, but as statistics show, that is rarely enough to dissuade either person from pursuing the relationship. Once both people are "activated" (by personality), primal emotions kick in and soon they are propelled forward until they are joined like a key in a lock or a hand in a glove. "Even though our personality expression and self image are programmed by experience, we are not stuck with that programming. The self image is key to personality and behavior, but it can be changed and when it changes, so do personality and behavior. This applies whether the programming is positive or negative. Women who have endured different types of mistreatment have said that the most long-lasting was verbal abuse because it changed how they thought of themselves. In the words of a wise woman I know, the verbal abuse "got into" them because of its repetition and basically reprogrammed them at a subconscious level. "We now know that when we endure a great trauma-whether a one-time event or an ongoing experience-we can diminish its negative effects in order to go forward without being held back by emotional scars. That is how powerful the mind is and how resilient the personality. However this does not apply to the personality-disordered individual whose damage is so extensive, that methodologies for repair and recovery do not exist." Reordering your life after abuse is about learning how to regain full mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, financial health. Understanding the nuts and bolts of falling for an intimate con is crucial to grasping the keys to recovery even if you have already made major strides. J.R. Jesse's is a needed voice in the conversation about relationship for men, women and society at large. Don't miss it.
About the Author: J.R. Jesse is an engineer and rancher who witnessed his sister's abuse at the hands of her husband and then took action. In his moving first book, LOVERS UNMASKED, he shares his sister's ordeal and enlarges it with his own research and critical thinking. He makes a strong case for the role of real men stepping up to the plate to stop abuse.