There are many books on the market giving solutions on how to stop farting. But what is there for people who want to fart more? To fart louder? To fart longer? To fart stronger...both pressure wise, and smell wise? Those that want to become champions at passing wind? Those that want to exercise their right to free speech, and exercise their sphincters at the same time? Those who say to hell with the clean air bill? And to those who want to fart responsibly, and not leave skid marks. And to those that just want to have fun!
Well, to all those people, this book is written for you!
In this concise, no fluff (well, actually full of fluff and hot air) report you'll learn to do exactly what the book title says...
Fart louder, longer and stronger. In this short read you'll learn to build up the fart pressure with scientific food combining, and how to release it at will with advanced bowel control. Impress your friends, relatives, and partners. You'll be the talk of the town. Learn to create copious amounts of wind, and how to utilize it for best effect. You'll learn how to generate the gas, how to control and propel it, and how to make it smell beastly! From meek and mild through too big, bold and offensive...in fact deadly!
Use these skills to clear a long bank queue, get a seat on a crowded train or bus, get extra leg room on a long flight, in fact the possibilities are endless. Go into stealth mode and watch people give each other the hairy eye ball as they try to figure out who dropped the clanger. Movie theaters, restaurants, amusement rides...nothing is safe...nothing is out of bounds. Get creative! Use your new found super powers to go above and beyond what others thought possible. Use shock and awe tactics. Singe peoples nose hairs. Create havoc. Have them gagging, and gasping for air.
But with these new found powers comes great responsibility. Use them for good. Clear a bus to make a seat for a little old lady...and let someone else take the blame! (Insert evil chuckle here). Everything and anything is possible in this new paradigm of achievement that you will find your life propelled into. Blast yourself into success. Rise to heights and levels previously unimaginable. The world truly is your oyster, or perhaps I should say pickled egg. Forget about dropping your lunch, that will all be behind you...think about dropping a whole shopping trolley of cheese, tasty!
Based on real science and food chemistry, this book is very much a practical guide, without getting bogged down too deeply into technical crap. Prac, not crap. There are enough scientific facts to keep the more technically minded satisfied.
Onward and upward, go boldly forward into a hole (pun intended) new level of achievement, recognition, and farting pleasure. You will now be a famed Fartiste, and the envy of your colleagues, friends, and work mates.
Walk tall, with your nose held high. You will exude a presence that commands attention. At last, gain the respect you deserve.
OK, that's enough reading this blurb. Stop dreaming, and get into action and start reaping the rewards of fame and respect. Click the buy now button now, and let the fun begin!
