Down the rabbit hole of crazy I fell. My life completely changed one winter, I lost it all my mind, my home, my jobs, my friends and my family's good opinion. Out of nowhere I went from fine to troubled in the span of seven days. When my family found me I was nearly frozen, starved and delirious wandering aimlessly on the streets of Chicago. My brain betrayed me. That's how it feels. That's the truth of it too, my brain broke. Due to losing my mind and being involuntarily committed to a psych ward, I lost my home, two of my three jobs, and all my friends save three, Amy, Zana, and Melissa. Thank God for the blessing of saving their friendships.

Trash from the streets I was cleaning in a conceived notion that I was giving and receiving land karma. I imagined if I cleaned, picked up and cared for the cold and dirty streets of Chicago that someone would take care of my farm in Kansas for me; and that if I did a really good job cleaning I could even move home into the white farmhouse on that magical hill. Land Karma is a term I came up with to help me cope with the fact that my family has just sold the family farm that winter and I was devastated as it was the only home I had ever known. My dream was to own it and now someone else lived in what I considered the best spot on earth, Kansas.

Starring in a Wes Anderson film is what I was sure I was doing. Delusions of grandeur are like all your hopes and dreams plus fantasy become your reality. I was simply sure Wes was secretly filming me for his upcoming project. I was spending the day with my best friend Melissa and she left for work for the day, so I didnt shower and took her dog, bruiser, for a walk. I got locked out. While I was late for work due to being locked out of Melissa's house with her poor dog. I was at her spot, left to walk the dog and due to confusion I got locked out. By the time I got to Chris's house the dog was bleeding, hungry and cold. I had no business being responsible for anything, not even my grown ass self. Vaguely I remember starting to clean the streets that night. I was in Logan Square in Chicago behind a church cleaning up their garbage can/dumpster area, and I could see the church's gym lights were

Lastly, I was convinced I was a famous singer kept under wraps and hidden from the stage due to mystery and was going to unveil myself as the much beloved famous singer onstage at my job at Blue Man Group at Briar Street Theater off of Halstead and Belmont in Chicago. That the backstage crew was secretly in my house filming me singing and viewing it live at the theater in real time, so I sang all day and night for three days. Sleep is something my brain doesn't allow me to do. Who needs sleep when you are delusionally famous? I remember opening my windows and hearing the neighbor

and his kid shoveling and playing in the street and they said, "There she goes again, another song" and they laughed.

When my cousin, a friend and a coworker arrived at my shared house on Bell Street in Lincoln Square I was emaciated, confused and riding high on a manic upswing. I had all sorts of papers, toys and assorted items I had found on the street and was explaining to know one in particular the ways of the world and how it was broken. The stress from life overwhelmed me, sucked me downwards into a spiral to a very scary, lonely and maddening state.

I remember much and more from my spells which are highly unusual in fact unheard of in other mentally ill patients. Recollecting in great detail the days leading up to each episode. Ashley was the first to arrive with Starbucks as she had heard that I had called off work for the second or third time that week. Once when I got locked out and then again Sunday morning when I called to say I was having a hard time and couldn't/ shouldn't be around people all day. I remember dancing on the furniture while she was there. I danced on the couch and stepped on the glass coffee table...