The Full English is the hilarious story of a fathers failed attempt to take his family on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the United Kingdom, a disastrous trip ruined by his stratospheric expectations, his inner American, ennui fatigue, his wifes meddling in his perfect plans, Alabama, his childrens massive indifference, the Doctor Who experience, ginger cookie based chemical warfare, mimes, sheep, The Beatles, a hermetically sealed bus full of the elderly, a militant librarian, and Englands classic breakfast which consists almost entirely of canned beans.
This is not a guide book. It isnt Fodors or a Lonely Planet guide. God knows such literature would be quite helpful if you plan, like the author, to take your family on an epic journey. The Full English wont. Not even a little. It will teach you diddly squat about Jolly Olde England. Instead, it will lead you deeper and deeper into the authors pervasive bad attitude, arrogant disregard for the comfort of his fellow traveling companions, and a sense of humor which is best described, and were being diplomatic here, as juvenile, puerile, egotistical, arrogant, narcissistic, and ever so slightly, just the teensy-weensiest bit culturally insensitive and perhaps borderline racist to Brits, Scots, Irish, Canadians, and the Japanese.
Youll watch helplessly as your author falls prey to coach tour comforts and the narcoleptic effect of the U.K.s endless supply of roadside sheep herds, sleeping through 90% of his trip of a lifetime. Youll be on the edge of your seat as he rails against the Beatles and (for some reason) Erskine Caldwell. Finally, youll rally alongside him as he prepares himself for mortal combat, facing an enemy far beyond his skill set, the nemesis we meet in the very beginning of the trip who menaces him every step of the way, and whom he must, somehow, triumph over, the angriest librarian in the world, the meanest old lady on the bus, and Garlingtons arch enemy: Mildred.
