I never intended to write a book, much less a biographical one about my own husband and myself. I'm not a professional writer and the only qualification I have is the real life experience in the death of my amazing husband John. I've never been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, but rather, I have kept them between myself and my God. However, as this chapter of our lives unfolded, I couldn't help but notice God's providential hand in every moment of our tragic situation and I didn't want to ever forget how He alone went before us, and I wanted my boys to have a lasting written memory of their amazing Dad. As I typed each and every word of this true story, I relived every moment as if it were happening all over again. But it was good, as it gave me a chance to truly and properly grieve the man I loved for so many years. There were a multitude of tears that I wiped off of the keyboard of my laptop as I cried and even sobbed as I put my thoughts into writing. But there was also a great deal of laughter too, as I recalled some humorous stories in our past, some I've shared with you all in these pages and others that I will keep to myself for now. Why a book? Why now? Why not?! As I've traveled through the journey of grief over these past couple of years, I've shared many of my "God" stories with others and every person said, "You need to write that down!" or "You just need to write a book!". Ha! Write a book! Yea right! I'm not qualified for that! But as I dwelled on the issue, prayed about it and asked God to lead me in the direction that He wanted me to go, I began to write this book using the little notes and social media posts that I had written in the middle of the fiery furnace of grief. If John were still alive, he would probably be mortified with the fact that there's a book written about our lives. But in the end, it's not really about us at all but about the God who made us to be the man and woman he created us to be, who continues to mold and shape me as I continue to go through life without my babe. Now some of you just read that sentence and are disappointed that I spoiled the book for you. Others may want to close the book entirely before reading the first chapter because now you know it's all about God and you don't want to have anything to do with Him. I get that. But I also understand the fact that you're curious. You want to know how a regular everyday person can survive the loss of her husband and still get up in the morning, go to work, and be productive, laugh, smile, and continue to live life to the fullest after being spontaneously plunged into widowhood. So go ahead. Turn the page and dive in head first and get a glimpse of my life and you will see that I'm just an ordinary woman living an ordinary life who was married to an ordinary man. You will see that I'm a broken, imperfect human being, just like you and just like my amazing husband was. You will see some of the shattered pieces of my life, our lives, scattered in many directions.You will also see that I am a woman who has hope in a God who uses ordinary circumstances for His extraordinary purpose. We live in a messy world and oftentimes I wake up, prepare my first cup of coffee for the morning, turn on the news and think I'm living in a real live three ring circus as I watch multiple stories of hopelessness unfold across the nation. I feel like days go by without seeing a positive story from the various news media outlets that are available to us at the push of a button. But all hope is not lost, even in the most dire and bleak chapters of life. There is hope, and as you read the pages in this book, my hope is that you will find that lasting hope too, even if you're telling yourself that you're not looking for it.