Yeah. I'm absolutely terrified at the implications of what my doctrine and experiences suggest. It will be painful obedience to publish this entry- "Because you're afraid it's not real. And if it is real, you're afraid that you'll sound boastful." There it is; as real and raw as I can be. I'm scared. I'm scared of ridicule and rejection. Hopefully the reader has been following my writings in real time over the last couple years because I fear that to read "2014 and 2015 Notes" consecutively will read like a preposterous fabrication now. I couldn't make this up if I tried. Persons that suffer from Alexithymia typically have "few dreams or fantasies due to restricted imaginations". We're too analytical to be this creative.
The Lord has permitted me to encourage another test of sorts. A putting out of the fleeces (Jd6:36-38), if you will. The last time I put out this fleece, the Lord showed up. Here it is....As Jesus gave Peter the keys to kingdom of Heaven (Mt16:19), He desires to give you, the reader, a key as well. Therefore, should you find yourself inundated with "locksmith" by perhaps a frequent passing van or a constant misplacing of keys, when that happens then please regard my words. Whatever the means the Lord uses get the reader's attention on "locksmith", I do pray that the miracle is a coincidence too large to be ignored.
The experience in the chapel was the last I've seen of the Lord. At least at the time of this writing anyway. Five weeks of numerous recurring visits seem to have come to an end though I hope that's not the case. I wish I could report some new superpower that came with the new heart but I can't. Nothing substantially noticeable yet. Perhaps it was symbolic of the work that has already been done to me over time through the process of sanctification. Ironically, also in that very same entry a year and a half ago, I confessed that I thought I was better at making war than peace (cf. Ecc3:8); more suited to turning tables (cf. Mt21:12) than turning the cheek (cf. Mt5:39). And yet, a few weeks ago I confessed that I wanted to exchange my swords for plowshares (cf. Is2:4). That's quite a change of heart.
In my eyes, these 'visions', for lack of a better word, are certainly the fulfilment of grace that was prophesied over me at the beginning of the year by the Holy Spirit. Feelings of unworthiness and the humility of unmerited grace have even caused some reluctance to share this writing at all. Painful obedience, indeed. But these revelations have brought such a peace to me, there is no way I will be able to act or pretend as if it didn't happen. Perfect love casts out all fear (1Jn4:18) and Jesus has defeated more of my insecurities with a single finger to my chin then a mountain of ego did in an entire lifetime.
There is another custom that I have. Every day upon arriving at work but before going inside, I pick up my bible and flip open to a random page, allowing the Holy Spirit to illuminate a direction or meditation for the day. And often the Counselor takes advantage of that opportunity. The weeks leading up to All Saints Day, the bible would frequently opened to Amos Chapter 4. At least half a dozen times I read the chapter and context searching for the reason I was being shown this particular section of scripture. And for weeks the reason remained elusive until after my encounters. The view is always grandest from hindsight. Only then did Amos 4:12 leap of the page and smack me in the face.
prepare to meet thy God.
