The year is 1974 and Leeds United have started the season with a new manager after the turmoil left behind by the short-lived reign of the controversial Brian Clough.
Like all die-hard Leeds fans, Fred Hepplewhite, is as pleased as punch that Jimmy Armfield is now at the managerial reigns but still something in his life is missing. His job is boring. Working at the
checkout at his local supermarket in Horsforth- a quiet town not that away from the city centre of Leeds- he passes the time of day chatting to various customers and his work colleagues, including Carol Ledbetter who quite fancies Fred, although he's not that really interested. Besides he's still married even though his wife has left him. Fred, 61, used to work for a mechanical engineering company before getting a job at the supermarket. At least his old job was interesting and he could wear greasy overalls all day and talk to his mates about Don Revie, Sir Geoffrey Boycott, pigeons, dominoes, whippets and Yorkshire puddings with gravy in the 'middle bit.' However, one day Fred's life is changed for good when he answers an advert in his local evening newspaper: WANTED-SECRET AGENT. After his recruitment interview at the Woodall motorway services restaurant on the M1 between junctions 30 and 31 near Sheffield, Fred is told he's got the job after passing exhaustive test questions (such as, do Yorkshire folk really put cheese on top of their slices of fruit cake? Do you need a passport to travel outside of Yorkshire? And how long can you wear a flat cap without washing it?) Fred's mission- to stop a Swiss/German megalomaniac from trying to get everyone, including the world's leaders, to 'speak Yorkshire, ' wear Yorkshire clothes and do Yorkshire things. Brewing magnate, Baron Schmitt Von Cuckoo, the megalomaniac, has a factory which manufactures Yorkshire clothing and a laboratory which makes special Yorkshire language pills, in Zermatt, which Fred must destroy. The lab manufactures a special pill if, when swallowed with water, allows the person to speak Yorkshire for up to 30 days- although there are side effects- the person will start to speak in either Cockney, Scouse or Glaswegian. And in the most severe side effect cases, the consumer will start to speak all three 'languages' at once. So, it's a serious situation and Fred is equipped with all the equipment a real-life James Bond character would get- including cufflink's that play brass band music and the Leeds United anthem, Marching On Together, a roast beef being cooked in beef dripping wafter from the front of his Aston Martin and a key fob that spurts out cold gravy at any would-be assailant. Along the way, Fred Hepplewhite meets beautiful women, adventure, danger and waiters and hotel staff that don't really understand him because of his thick Yorkshire accent. Will Fred successfully accomplish his assignment? Especially as he can't ski, and the Baron's factory and laboratory is near the top of a notorious Black ski run near the Matterhorn. Will Fred win at roulette like the real James Bond character also seems to, even though he can't understand a word of French? And how will he recognize the CIA agent, Felix Lightenup? Will Fred actually buy a round of drinks, seeing as he has to be careful with his allowance from the British Secret Service- plus the fact he's from Yorkshire! And will Miss Cash-money back at the British Secret Service HQ, still wistfully gaze out of the window whilst chewing a pencil, in her small office, thinking of Fred and what he's up to? This book is a terrific parody of the James Bond character- only this time with a 100 per cent Yorkshire take.
Full of fun, drama, adventure, tongue-in-cheek jokes, double- entendre's and clever takes on comparable situations with the real James Bond character, Fred Hepplewhite, Agent 008 Licenced to Grill, should keep the reader smiling and chuckling away, from the first page to the last.